Love Conquers All
by JulietOfErie
Summary: Ross takes being brushed off by Rachel harder than everyone thought, and a tragedy gets in her way of making amends. Final chapter UP! It's short, you have been warned.
1. The Accident

Love Conquers All  
  
Ross stared at the empty gate leading to flight 421 in shock. He couldn't believe Rachel had actually shot him down. He had honestly thought that she loved him too.  
Ross felt Phoebe's hand on his back, and he turned around, tears blinding his sight.  
"I really thought she'd stay," He choked.  
"I'm so sorry," Phoebe whispered sympathetically, and enveloped him in a hug.  
  
Back at Monica and Chandler's apartment, Joey was helping them pack up the rest of their belongings.  
"Well, that's it," Monica said matter-of-a-factly as they finished.  
"Wow, this is weird," Chandler commented, speaking what was on all their minds.  
"I know," his wife agreed.  
"Yeah. Uh, does this mean there's nothing to eat?" Joey asked tentatively.  
Monica laughed. "I put three lasagnas in your freezer," she responded, silently praying that that would satisfy him.  
Joey's expression told her that she had done well. "I love you!" he exclaimed, wrapping her in a hug just as Phoebe walked in. The others glanced at her hopefully, but she had a disappointed look on her face that told them things hadn't worked out as everyone had anticipated.  
"So did you guys make it in time?" Joey asked cautiously, wondering if she was just playing them.  
"Yeah, yeah, he talked to her, but she got on the plane anyway." Phoebe replied, sighing.  
"Where's Ross?" Chandler asked, wondering how badly his friend had taken this.  
"He went home. He didn't want to see anybody." They all nodded in understanding.  
  
Ross entered his apartment and sat down, physically and emotionally exhausted. He couldn't get the image of Rachel pulling away from him and walking to the gate and out of his sight. He also didn't understand. He had professed his utmost true feelings and if that hadn't gotten her, nothing would. Still, he continued to stare hopefully at his phone. After five minutes of waiting, he gave up.  
"Get over yourself, she's not gonna call," He reprimanded himself, grabbing his coat. Although he was tired, he knew he wouldn't sleep and wasn't interested in hanging around anymore. He grabbed his keys and walked out the door, shutting it behind him. A few minutes later, a ring of the phone pierced the silence of his apartment. It persisted until the beep sounded.  
"Ross? Hi, it's me Rachel..."  
Unfortunately, he had already left the building.  
  
Ross was wandering aimlessly on the streets of New York, without a care in the world as to where he was. He just kept looking ahead, when suddenly the lights flashing outside of a bar across the street caught his eye. Immediately liking the idea, he raced across the street without looking without looking either way. Ross was so lost in thought that he didn't hear someone shout "Sir, lookout!" or hear the honking of a city bus heading straight at him...  
Ross had barely made it to the curb when the bus ran him down, leaving him in a collapsed heap on the pavement.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	2. What Have I Done?

Monica was sitting on the couch holding a sleeping baby Erica. She was unable to stop smiling as she skimmed her daughter's gorgeous, adorable face. Ambulance sirens rang out into the night as it passed by the apartment building, not attracting even a fraction of Monica's attention.  
  
An hour later, Monica was still doting over the newborn. When the phone rang, she automatically decided to leave it to Chandler. She heard his voice, but didn't bother to concentrate on the words. However, a loud, upset "What?! Is he okay?" caught her ears and prompted her to turn around.  
"Okay, okay, we'll be right down. Thank you so much for telling us." Chandler hung up the phone and stared at it in his hand, trembling visibly.  
Worried, Monica placed Erica in the cradle next to her brother Jack. Then she went to her husband.  
"Honey, what happened? Who was that?"  
"That was St. Vincent Hospital. They have Ross there. He was apparently run over by a bus in the middle of Lexington. We were listed as emergency references and called us first."  
Monica was panting furiously to keep from passing out. "Oh my God! Is he okay?"  
"He's still unconscious, but he may have been hit bad enough..." Chandler trailed off, terrified that the information he had received may be true.  
"What? Chandler, he may have been hit bad enough that what?"  
"That when he wakes up, he may have severe amnesia."  
  
Rachel entered Ross' apartment building and raced down the hallway, wishing it was physically possible to be able to run faster. She finally reached his door at the end of the hallway and banged on it. If she didn't see Ross' handsome face soon, she would go mad.  
"Ross?" she called when no one answered and tried again. Still no answer. Eventually, she allowed herself the liberty to enter. The apartment was empty at first sight.  
"Ross, are you here? It's me, I love you. Please I'm so sorry, I will never leave or hurt you again." She stopped once she realized was merely pouring her heart out to the walls. A flashing red light on the answering machine caught her eye. Cautiously, she walked over to the couch and sat down beside it. After a moments' hesitation, she pressed the play button.  
"Ross? Hi, its me, Rachel. I just got on the plane and I feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us..."  
"Oh my God," Rachel gasped. "He never got it. Oh, he still thinks I left because I don't love him. Where is he?" She immediately picked up the phone and dialed the number to Chandler and Monica's. When the beep of their machine on the other end sounded, she frowned. That's weird, Rachel thought. Why aren't they at home? They just got home with their newborn children tonight!  
Rachel placed the phone uncertainly back in its cradle and ran upstairs to her friends' apartment. When she entered, the place was dark. Maybe they're just asleep, she considered, and tried to be quiet. She then noticed a large piece of paper with huge writing on the table. Getting suspicious, she flipped on a light and went to read it.  
Pheebs and/or Mike,  
If you happen to come by, which you probably won't, Chandler, Joe, the babies and I are at the hospital. Ross was in an accident. The reason you don't know is that we were in such a rush that we decided to call you and Rach when we get there. However, if you see this, just come to St. Vincent's immediately.  
-Mon  
Rachel gasped and, feeling lightheaded, grabbed the edge of the table for support. The paper grew damp in her sweaty hand as she stared at nothing in absolute shock.  
"Oh my God," She though out loud. "What have I done?"  
Not knowing why the hell she was still where she was, she turned around and out the door, ready to literally plunge headfirst into the next cab she saw. 


	3. You're Not Alone

Rachel entered the fifth floor waiting room to find the rest of the gang, Mike, and the twins the only other occupants.  
"Hi," she said breathlessly. "How is he? Please tell me, I thought I was going to have a heart attack on the way over."  
"Oh my God, Rach, what are you doing here? And how did you find out we were here?" Phoebe exclaimed, ignoring the question.  
Rachel sat down by her and tried to catch her breath.  
"Okay, let me explain. I know y'all probably know about what happened and think me horrible and selfish at the moment, and don't worry if you do, I feel the same way right now. Anyways, almost immediately before take-off, I realized I could never survive a six-hour flight overseas without resolving this. It wasn't until I got off the plane and you guys were already gone that I comprehended how much I've always loved Ross, and never stopped. I felt so awful, and called, but he didn't pick up. When I got home, he wasn't there and then I called Mon and Chandler's place, and when again no one picked up, I thought it was strange, so I went over and found the note you left for Pheebs and Mike. I feel so guilty, and I need to see him, is he gonna be okay?"  
Everyone looked at one another, and then back at Rachel.  
"What? Guys, you're scaring me, please say something."  
Finally, Chandler cleared his throat. "Rach, Ross was run over by a bus and hit so hard, they were sure he may never wake up. But he regained consciousness just as we got here, and they're doing a CAT scan on him right now, which is why we're not in there with him at the moment."  
"Oh, thank God. But why'd they have to do a CAT scan?"  
"Because he has amnesia," Monica replied. "And they want to find out the extent of its severeness."  
Rachel gasped. "Oh my God, this is all my fault, isn't it?"  
"No, Rachel, it's not, but I'm not going to lie, he took it really bad." Phoebe said.  
"How bad?" She asked, feeling the guilt expand within her.  
"He cried the whole way home, and immediately went to his apartment when he got home. He must have left sometime after."  
"Oh, on, I feel so awful. If only I had called earlier then he would have picked up and none of this would have happened. And now he's hurt physically too..." A nauseating thought suddenly occurred to her. "Oh my God, he has amnesia. He's not going to remember tonight, is he?"  
"Most likely not," Monica affirmed, shaking her head.  
"Should I tell him anyway?"  
"No, Rach, we don't know what he'll remember and have forgotten. All we can do tonight is be there for him. Hopefully-and these are the doctor's words-he will recall older memories first, and then more recent memories, until almost all memory is recovered." Joey stated.  
"Oh, I hope so. I love him so much, I don't know what I would have done if...if..." she couldn't finish the sentence.  
"Let's not think that way," Mike quickly put in. Everyone nodded and muttered in agreement.  
Just then, a white-coated doctor emerged, walking toward the group. On instinct Rachel stood up and approached him.  
"Are you Ross Geller's doctor?" she asked in a panicky voice.  
"Yes I am," he replied, reaching out his hand. "Doctor Reynolds."  
Tentatively, Rachel shook his hand, a little harder than she meant to. "Is he okay? Please tell me, is his amnesia bad?"  
"Well, I asked him some questions. He knows his full name, address, phone number, and family members, which is a good sign. However, when I asked him what year it was, he said 1999, and he thinks he's still thirty. I think it would be less threatening if you people, as his friends, confronted him. He doesn't know anything yet, so I suggest you be gentle."  
Rachel nodded, swallowing hard. "Can we see him now?"  
Dr. Reynolds nodded. "Yea, he's actually in the third room on the right."  
"Thank you, Dr. Reynolds, again," Rachel heard Monica say. She felt her friends' hand on her shoulder.  
"Maybe one of us should go at first. It can't be easy to hear devastating news with an audience." Monica suggested  
"That's a good idea," Joey agreed, and immediately stared at Rachel, along with everyone else. Rachel began to feel extremely uneasy.  
"I don't know," she said nervously. "I'm not great at confrontation likes these, and what if I say the wrong thing and hurt him all over again?"  
"Rachel," Monica said gently. "You love him, don't you?" Rachel nodded, shocked that she would think otherwise. "Then the best way to let him know is by being there for him from the very start. Pretty soon, he'll already know and you won't have to convince him. You'll do fine."  
Rachel nodded, but was still unsure. "You're right, of course. But I feel bad, because you're his sister, and you're not so madly in love with him that you can't see straight at the moment."  
"No, it's okay. Go, I trust you," Monica replied, nudging her friends toward the door. She gave the gang a brief weak smile, and walked down the hallway.  
  
Rachel paused at Ross' door, took a deep breath, and then cautiously turned the knob. She saw Ross laying in the bed, his eyes closed. Wondering if he was asleep, she quietly approached his bedside, and gently touched his shoulder.  
"Ross?" she whispered softly. He flinched at her touch and then opened his eyes, smiling weakly at her. She smiled back, but her insides quivered. He really didn't remember.  
"Hey you. How are you feeling?" Rachel moved her hand from his shoulder and slipped it into his.  
He shrugged. "Like a bus ran over me. And I don't remember being brought here."  
The irony of his statement caused the hairs on Rachel's skin to rise. "How does your head feel?" she asked, speculating the best way to approach the truth of the situation.  
"Fine now, because they pumped me full of pain medication. I'm hoping it lasts long." Suddenly he became upset. "Rach, have they told you what's really wrong with me? I woke up with the worst hell of a headache, and they didn't even give me a reason for performing a CAT scan on me. All my doctor said was that it was a head injury from getting hit by a bus. But I feel like they know something more and aren't telling me."  
Rachel gulped. She hadn't seen this coming. She took a deep breath and then placed her other hand on theirs', squeezing his comfortingly.  
"Honey, I do. And you deserve to know, so I'm just going to come out and say this." And she was about to, but no words came out, she just stared into Ross' eyes, which were full of childlike panic and question.  
"Rach?"  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is just hard. I've never been good at confrontations like these." She apologized.  
"Okay, now you're really scaring me,"  
She took a deep breath. "Honey, you were hit so hard by the bus, that you lost some of your memory." She felt his hand tremble, and she squeezed it harder.  
"You mean, I have amnesia?" He asked, sounding confused and scared.  
The vulnerable pain in his voice tugged at Rachel's heartstrings. "Yes, I'm so sorry, sweetie. But don't worry, your memory will most likely come back, and you won't be alone at all along the way." Rachel quickly said, feeling helpless as she looked at him, unsure of how else to comfort him.  
Ross was staring off into space, his dark eyes slowly filling with tears. The fact that this was the second time she was making him cry in one night made Rachel feel remorseful all over again.  
"Oh, sweetie, come here," she whispered, sliding her arms around him and enfolding him in a hug. "Shh, it's going to be all right."  
"How can you say that?" he asked through sobs. "I'm in a completely different age from the rest of you, and I don't even remember how I got here. What year is it even?"  
"It's 2004."  
"Oh my god," he said, starting to cry harder. "that's five years from what I think it is. Why did this happen to me? I've lost five years of my life, and I don't know when or if it's ever going to come back."  
"Oh, sweetie, I know. I know this is hard, and you didn't deserve this. But I'll be here for you, I promise, you're not alone." Rachel whispered. 


	4. Reminiscing

By now Ross had calmed down, but kept his head against Rachel's chest, listening to the soothing rhythm of her heartbeat.

"Are you all right?" she gently asked, moving her hands up and down his back.

Ross shook his head, not saying anything. He concentrated really hard to see if he could recall anything in his life that had occurred between 1999 and 2004, but absolutely no avail. Tears of frustration slid down both of his cheeks.

Rachel saw them and brushed them away with her fingers. "Ross, honey, don't cry. I promised you that you weren't alone, and I'm gonna help you. We can start right now. What's that last thing you can remember happening?"

"Umm...Uh, well, Emily was getting married and had called me, but you convinced me not to call her back. I had just gone on a ride-along with Chandler and Joey in Gary's cop car."

Rachel paused for a minute as she tried to recall that night five years ago. Then it came back to her. "Right, and you had a 'near-death' experience when that car back- fired."

"Exactly!"

Rachel chuckled silently at remembering how fanatically determined he had been to live life to the fullest, scaring all of his friends. But he had been happy, and that was what had been important. She wished more than anything that she could make him feel that way again.

"Rach?" Ross asked, lifting his head before she went on.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Would you mind just giving me a scenario of what's been going on till now? Maybe it will trigger something inside my head."

"Of course I wouldn't mind," she said smiling, and squeezing his hand. "I'm willing to try anything that will help you." Again, she had to stop to think. "Okay, well a few days after that, we all went to Vegas for Mon and Chandler's one year anniversary. Actually you and I stayed behind for a day and we flew together. We had a hell of a time playing a series of shenanigans on each other for the entire flight."

"Really? What did we do?"

"Well, it all got started when I had been walking around...well, naked in my apartment. You saw me and were convinced that I was enticing you to get you to engage in 'the physical act of love', as you called it, with me. To get back at me, you screamed on the plane, very deafeningly I might add, something like 'Forget it, lady! I'm not gonna have sex with you in the bathroom!' Yea, everyone around us got a kick out of that. Then, I 'accidentally' spilled water on your pants." She paused to laugh a little, relieved when she saw that Ross was smiling to.

"Well, the killer was when you drew a mustache and beard on my face while I was asleep. I wasn't too amused when Phoebe told me and I realized I had been walking around in public like that, but it was a good one. Anyways, I refused to leave my room and made you stay with me, where we got drunk and laid bets. After a while that got old, and you agreed to let me draw cat whiskers on your face, and we went down together like that. Then, well one thing went to another and..." She wasn't sure if she should finish, but he had a right to know how out of hand things had gotten that weekend.

"Well, we stumbled into a chapel and got married." Ross expression was so shocked, that it just then truly hit her how much of his life he had lost according to his recollection.

"What? We- we got married? Are we still?"

"Oh, no, no, we-"Ross cut her off. "I got divorced again, didn't I?"

"Yes, but honey, it's okay, it was just a mistake, it shouldn't count. Well, actually, we ended up staying married a lot longer than you did to Emily, not to the extent of my knowledge however."

"We did? Why?"

"Well, you didn't want three failed marriages, just like you don't want now. You simply didn't get an annulment, but told me you did. When I found out, I came to NYU while you were giving a lecture, and I'll say I scared a flock of students."

"Wow. I'm sorry, Rach."

"Oh, no, no, honey, don't be sorry, I understand perfectly well why you did it. I only wish you had told me, that's why I was upset. But it's okay, I don't want you to be distressed about it. It's something that we can laugh at now."

Suddenly Ross' eyes widened. "Oh my God."

"What? What is it?" Rachel questioned, worried.

"Was I by chance speaking with a British accent?"

"Yes! Yes, you were. That was hysterical. You were nervous about giving the lecture, and that was how it came out."

"Oh, thank God. I was scared that I had married Emily again."

Rachel laughed out loud. "I can assure you, none of us would have let that happen."

She paused, and then became excited. "How did you know that? Are you starting to remember something?"

"Well, it seems to just be a piece of something. I mean, because the next thing after that, I see you burst through the doors, looking mad, and that's it."

"Yup. That was it." Rachel put her arm around him. "See, you're right. Talking about it must be helping."

He sighed. "I guess so. Can we keep going?"

Rachel smiled and affectionately smoothed his hair back. "Of course. Are you ready to hear about the time you dated a student in your class?"

Back in the waiting room, the rest of the gang hadn't spoken much, although Rachel had been in there for a while.  
  
Mike broke the silence and turned to his wife. "Wow, if he thinks it's 1999, he's not going to remember who I am, is he?"  
  
Phoebe took his hand. "Probably not, honey. Although I would be surprised."  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"Because you're so cute."  
  
"Oh, I know that, but I doubt Ross thinks of me in the same intimate way that you do, Pheebs."  
  
"Oh, you don't know Ross well enough yet."  
  
Everyone turned and looked at her oddly, but didn't think much of it. It was Phoebe, and that was more than enough of an explanation. 


	5. A Momentous Day

"Yeah, and shortly before the ceremony started, Chandler got cold feet  
and ran off. But you and Pheebs found him and everything turned out  
fine." Rachel looked at Ross, and his expression indicated that he was  
very exhausted. "This is probably a good place to stop for tonight."  
She stated, firmly, but also gently, pressing on his shoulder to  
persuade him to lay down on the pillow. Ross nodded, and yawned.  
Rachel smiled and pulled the covers over him.  
"Rach," Ross said, suddenly panicking. "This has helped a lot, but I  
still don't remember everything. I mean wha-what if my memory really  
never does come back?" He stammered, sounding ready to cry again.  
"Shh, shh." Rachel whispered, soothingly stroking his hair off of his  
forehead. "Honey, it will, I promise. Everything will be back to  
normal soon, just give yourself some time. For now, what you need it  
to get some rest."  
Ross sighed and nodded, closing his eyes. Rachel held his hand until  
his breathing became slow and steady. Then she leaned down and kissed  
his cheek.  
"I love you," she whispered, wishing more than anything that she could  
say those words so he could hear them. But this wasn't the time. She  
hadn't even gotten to telling him about Emma yet. She was glad that  
they had stopped at the pending point of that occasion. This would  
have been too much for him to take in tonight.

* * *

Rachel slowly walked back to the waiting room to find everyone but  
Chandler sound asleep. It was then that she realized how much time she  
had taken.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I completely lost track of time." She whispered,  
sitting down next to Chandler.  
"It's okay, it is 4 am, and we're quite comfortable."  
Rachel smiled, and looked upon the sleeping newborn boy in his arms.  
"So this is Jack?"  
"This is him."  
"Here, why don't I take him. You look ready to drop yourself," she  
requested, holding out her arms. Chandler complied, and Rachel cradled  
the baby boy, observing the same hypnotic beauty Emma had possessed as  
a newborn. Chandler rested his head back against the wall with his  
eyes closed.  
"How is he?"  
"As good as can be expected. He'll really need us all right now. The  
reason I was in there so long was that I was giving him a play-by-play  
of everything that's been happening in the past five years."  
"Uh, did you happen to add the time when I accidentally parked myself  
on his dad in that steam room?"  
Rachel laughed as quietly as she could. "You're nuts if you think I  
would even consider leaving that out." Then she got serious. "I  
actually just finished with your's and Mon's wedding. That means Emma  
is next. I wonder how he'll take it."  
"Well, to be honest, Rach, Ross has always been dodgy about his  
paternal skills. This may be a real jolt for him."  
"Yea, that's what I'm worried about. But he does deserve to  
know, and it will sound wrong coming from anyone else. I love him so  
much, Chandler."  
"Yeah, I can tell. I mean, you actually sacrificed your Paris  
mission for him." Rachel looked at him, and then down at the baby,  
knowing that Chandler was right. It wasn't until she had heard those  
immortal words from Ross that she was brought into the light and saw  
how downright selfish she had been all along. Now, she kept asking  
herself, what exactly had prompted her to consider going off to Europe  
in the first place? Sure she had been given a magnificent opportunity,  
but how had it been worth resolving to leave her friends, who had been  
her life and support for so long? She shook her head, not believing  
she could ever love this man enough.  
Minutes later, Rachel felt Chandler's head fall on her shoulder,  
and she decided to allow her self a short sleep as well. Before doing  
so, she smiled down at baby Jack Bing.  
"You really picked an momentous day in your aunt Rachel's life  
to be born."


	6. From Bad to Worse

Ross woke up to another excruciatingly agonizing headache, even worst than before. Not remembering where he was at first, he pushed himself out of bed and immediately crumpled to the ground when trying to stand on his left foot. Then he recalled the night before. Rachel had gently informed him that he had amnesia and had patiently recounted the past five years for him, held his hand, and overall been a gratifying source of comfort. But now he had never felt more helpless and alone, and felt oncoming tears sting his eyes.  
"Are you okay?" Ross heard Phoebe's voice ask. He then felt each of his arms being grasped as he was assisted to his feet and led back to the bed. When he turned around, he saw that his supplementary aide was a short, shaggy haired man whom he didn't recognize.  
Phoebe was sitting next to Ross on the bed, still holding his arm. The man who had acompanied her stood closer to the door with his hands in his pockets, looking nervous. "Are you okay?" Phoebe repeated.   
Ross shrugged. "I guess so. My ankle really kills now."  
"Maybe you should have it looked at."  
"I don't know. I'm not really in the mood for more X-rays."  
She nodded in understanding. Then she gestured to the shaggy-haired man. "Ross, I don't know if there's any way you remember my husband Mike?"  
Ross scrutinized this Mike, trying hard to make a connection. The attempt made his headache worse. Suddenly, Ross saw Rachel standing at the doorway, shaking visibly. When she saw that Ross had noticed her presence, she spoke up.  
"Pheebs, Mike, can I have a moment with Ross? There's something I have to tell him."  
Phoebe assumed that this had to do with breaking the news about Emma to him, and she nodded to Mike, who followed her out of the room. Rachel closed the door and slowly walked to Ross' bedside. She sighed, sat down, and took both of his hands.  
"What's going on, Rach?" Ross asked, suddenly afraid.  
Rachel looked at him, tears forming in her eyes. "Ross, there has been an accident."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Carol and Ben were on their way to come see you, and got hit by a car full of teenagers, presumably drinking. Carol cracked a few ribs and fractured an arm, but she'll be okay. And..and..."  
"And Ben?" Ross was shaking hard and his palms were sweating in Rachel's hands.  
"Oh, God, honey, I'm so sorry. But Ben didn't make it."  
Ross turned away from Rachel and stared off into space, numb with shock.  
"No." he said, monotonously at first. He then shook his head vehemently. "No. Please tell me it's not true. Please tell me Rachel!" he practically screamed, tears gathering in his eyes.  
Rachel pulled him close to her, holding him tight. "Shh. I'm so sorry, sweetie. I'm so sorry." She kept repeating these words over and over again.  
Ross allowed her to hold him for a few minutes, but once the shock wore off, he felt nauseous and immediately pulled away. "I'm gonna be sick." Were the last words that came out of Ross' mouth before he was in the bathroom, having ignored the blinding pain he had caused his foot to get there. After that, all that escaped was vomit. In no time, Rachel was right behind him, holding him steady and rubbing his back until the first round stopped. For a moment, all seemed clear, but then his stomach heaved again.  
When at last Ross had ceased throwing up, he turned and leaned against the side of the shower. Rachel left his side only for a minute to retrieve a glass lying on the sink ledge and fill it with cold water. Then she sat down next to Ross and held the glass to his mouth. He shakily grasped her wrist and drained the water within seconds. Then he looked over at her, his face streaked with tears and body shaking violently. Rachel reached over and wrapped a shielding arm around him, and he hid his face in her shoulder.  
"Why?" he sobbed. "Why did this happen? Why?"  
"I wish I could answer that, sweetie." Rachel whispered. "Even more, I wish I could make this all go away for you."  
Ross continued to cry. "Oh honey, shh, take a deep breath. It's all going to be fine." She soothed, although she was doubtful that that would ever be true. Things had gone from bad to worse in the space of twenty-four hours, and all she wanted to do was take the indescribable pain Ross was feeling and instill it within herself. He had been going through enough already.  
Not if you had done something, she reminded herself. If she ever lived to be one hundred, she would never forget or stop regretting the pain she had consciously caused Ross the night before. If it hadn't been for her, then he would still have the last five years of his life, and he would be happy, which was something she wanted more than anything to make him. Either way, she would have needed to be there for him, because now he had lost his only son as well.  
Rachel continued to hold Ross, and let him cry. There and then, she silently vowed never to leave his side again, despite any circumstances.  
"Shh, sweetie, I'm here," 


	7. A Painful Goodbye

> Ross lifted his head from Rachel's shoulder and looked up at her with reddened eyes. "I want to see him."
> 
> Rachel's heart ached as she looked down at him in her arms. "Honey, are you sure? You don't think you have suffered enough-"
> 
> Ross interrupted her. "Rachel, he's my son!" he yelled angrily. Then his expression softened and his lower lip trembled as he looked down at her lap. "My only son..." he trailed off, starting to cry again. Rachel hugged him back against her, rubbing his back.
> 
> "Shh..." she whispered. "I'm sorry, you're right, you're right. You have every right to see your son and say goodbye to him. I just hate seeing you so upset and miserable. I'm so sorry, Ross, honey, please don't cry."
> 
> Ross clung to her took some deep breath breaths, trying to calm down. "Will you go with me?" he whispered against her shirt.
> 
> "Of course I will," she answered gently, kissing the top of his head. She held him for a few more minutes, and then pulled back slightly so she could see his face. "Do you want to go now?" she asked patiently. She kept this to herself, but she was unsure as to how much longer they planned to keep Ben on life support.
> 
> Swallowing, he nodded. "I guess so."
> 
> Rachel stood up, and then reached down to help Ross to his feet. Still holding his hand, she started to guide him toward the bathroom door but stopped suddenly when he winced in pain.
> 
> "What is it?" she asked, concerned and worried.
> 
> "Nothing. My ankle really hurts, but it's no big deal."
> 
> "Ross, honey, you can barely walk," Rachel objected as he tried to take another step. "Come on, you should have it looked at." She added, supporting him in the direction of the bed, despite his refusals to budge at first.
> 
> "I'm guessing that that's what the crutch against the night stand is for," Ross stated when she finally managed to get him back in the bed. Rachel turned to see just what he did, and went to retrieve the crutch.
> 
> "Why didn't you say so before?" She asked, handing it to him and assisting him back off the bed.
> 
> "I didn't notice it till now."
> 
> "I see."
> 
> Just as the pair was turning to leave the room, Dr. Reynolds entered.
> 
> "Mr. Geller, we can't allow you out of the room yet."
> 
> "Why not?"
> 
> "Well, first of all, you need a transport to be taken anywhere in your condition, and secondly, we need to perform some X-rays on that ankle."
> 
> "Condition?! And my ankle, it-it's fine, see?" Ross dropped the crutch and Rachel managed to catch it before it hit the floor. Then before he could go on, she took his arm and faced the doctor.
> 
> "Dr. Reynolds, I don't know if you're aware, but Ross's son was brought here this morning dead on arrival. It would really mean a lot to him if you allowed him just to say good-bye to him. And if you'll let me accompany him, I promise I'll look after him." She continued to glance at him hopefully.
> 
> Dr. Reynolds sighed. "All right, just this is the one time I'll allow it. And I'll notify a nurse in the ICU." He turned and left Rachel and Ross to fend for themselves. Rachel tucked the crutch under Ross's arm.
> 
> "Promise me this'll stay here," she said with mock fierceness. Ross nodded, and Rachel saw that he was trembling violently.
> 
> "Are you okay?" she asked, now very concerned. "You know, sweetie, you don't have to do this."
> 
> "Yes I do," came the determined whisper. Rachel gently slid an arm around his waist and carefully led him toward the door.
> 
> "It's okay, I'll be right here with you."

* * *

> Ross and Rachel stood before the entrance to the Neuro ICU, apprehensively waiting for the automatic doors to swing opened. When they did, Ross swallowed and allowed Rachel to support him as he hobbled along on the crutch. They walked down the short, narrow corridor and to the doorway of the unit. Before moving forward, Ross turned to Rachel.
> 
> "Rach, I need to be alone with him for a while," Rachel nodded in complete understanding and stroked his arm. "But please, be here when I get back. Don't leave." He begged, on the verge of tears.
> 
> "Ross, of course I'll wait. I would never leave you. I'm here whether you want me to come in or not."
> 
> "Thanks so much," he stammered, swallowing past a painful lump in his throat. Rachel nodded and tenderly smiled as she raked a gentle hand through his hair. Wanting to fall apart right there, Ross immediately turned around and shuffled through the doors on his crutch.
> 
> "May I help you?" A nurse from the island like desk caught his attention. Ross took a deep breath and tried to control his shaking.
> 
> "Umm, yes, I'm here to see my son Ben Wilick."
> 
> "Name, please?"
> 
> "Ross Geller."
> 
> "Yes, your son is right over there," Ross followed the nurse's hand gesture and his heart leapt to his throat when he saw Ben, hooked up to machines and very still. "Mr. Gellar, your son is brain dead, I'm very sorry. But I can guarantee that he can still hear you, as hearing is the last sense to leave a person before they pass on. So talk to him."
> 
> Ross walked off without glancing back at the nurse and carefully approached his son's bedside. He could hardly breathe and tears had clogged his throat. Shakily, he lifted a hand and tentatively touched Ben's.
> 
> "Hey Ben," he said softly. "It's me, Dad." Ross paused, not trusting his voice. A few moments later he gathered himself and continued. "I-I feel awful that this happened to you all because you wanted to come visit me. Me, your father who can't even recall the past five years of his life or yours. Wait, wait, that's not how I want to say good-bye to you. Wh-what I want to say is…" his voice was cut off by an uncontrollable sob. "Is that the five years I have known you, I have cherished thoroughly. I wish that they didn't have to end now, and all I can say is that me, Mommy, uh….Mommy, Aunt Monica, Grandma, Grandpa,…and the rest of them are going to miss you so much." Ross was sobbing openly now, but didn't seem to realize it. He also didn't notice that Rachel, who had observed his anguish through the glass door, had entered and was approaching him slowly.
> 
> With tears running down his face, Ross stared down at Ben's unmoving form, images swirling through his head. "I remember the day you said your first word." He choked. "Aunt Rachel was there."
> 
> Rachel, whose presence Ross was still oblivious to, was close enough to have heard this, and she froze, tears of sentiment filling her eyes as she watched the emotional scene.
> 
> "Yeah. I was actually in the other room. It was Rachel you said it to. Apparently she was holding you and you just blurted out 'hi.' It was one of the proudest moments of my life." Rachel watched Ross sob in pain, not sure of what to do. Ross had requested to be alone, and Rachel didn't want to upset him. But she also wasn't psychologically or physically capable of consciously letting him tear himself apart and not giving him the comfort he deserved.
> 
> "I love you, Ben. You were everything a father could have hoped for." Ross said in tears. He was shaking uncontrollably and gripping the metal bed rails for support. The crutch dropped to the floor, and if it hadn't been for Rachel coming up from behind and clutching him, Ross would have fallen.
> 
> "Ross, sweetie," Rachel whispered in his ear. "Come on, let me take you back to your room. It's okay, I've got you."
> 
> "I can't," he cried. "I have to stay with my son."
> 
> "Sweetie, please," She ever so gently turned him around to face her. The sight of his blotchy, tear-streaked face made her grimace. She reached foward and tenderly placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away the stray dampness. "I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. But Ross, honey, I can't let you do this to yourself."
> 
> "Wh-what are you talking about, Rach? I'm fine," he said unsteadily, his breathing making hitching sounds."
> 
> "No, Ross, you're not, sweetie. You're crying and you look like you're about to pass out. Please, let me take you back to your room. This has been an emotional few days, and you can only take so much of this."
> 
> Sobbing and hiccupping, Ross finally nodded. Rachel drew him into a hug and held him tightly, letting him cry into her shoulder, while whispering meaningless words of comfort. Then she lifted the crutch off the floor, slid her arm sturdily around Ross's waist, and guided him away from his son.


	8. A Shocking Revelation

> Rachel had gotten Ross back to his room, and now she sat on the edge of the bed with him in her arms. His back was pressed against her chest and he clutched her arms tightly with his own. Rachel didn't have to see him to know that his eyes were still red from crying.
> 
> Despite the cold and empty feeling within him, Ross felt familiarly safe and secure being held by Rachel. Although they had a complicated history, he knew there would always be a unique and special intimacy between the two of them.
> 
> Ross closed his eyes and sighed, just taking comfort in Rachel's warmth and her gentle hand stroking his arm. Out of nowhere, a random picture of Rachel came into his head. Her hair and face were drenched in sweat and she appeared tired, but undoubtedly radiant. She looked up at him, her eyes glowing with happiness and a grin splitting her face. Then Ross noticed the bundle in her arms...
> 
> Ross's eyes flew opened and stared ahead in disbelief. The image he had just seen could not have been real. Rachel would have told him if she had had a child, especially if it had been his. It must have been some dream meant to throw him off, which made him more frustrated. It was bad enough that all he had for indicators of his past were short, incomplete scenes that came and went. Now he was receiving vivid images that weren't even real. Tears stung his eyes, but he forced himself to calm down not wanting to let Rachel see him fall apart again.
> 
> However, Rachel wasn't oblivious. "Are you okay?" she asked, sliding her hand into one of his. Ross shook his head, knowing there was no use in hiding it. Everything around him was falling apart, and at the moment he wasn't sure what was left for him.
> 
> "No," he choked out. "And I don't think I ever will be. I mean, not only is the past half decade of my life lost to me, but now they are five more years in which my son could still be alive." The words were followed by uncontainable sobs. Rachel gently turned Ross around and he cried into her shirt. She softly stroked his back and head, while rocking him back and forth in her arms.
> 
> "Shh, I know, sweetie," she whispered. "And Ross, you don't have to believe me right now, honey, but things will get better. I promise they will."
> 
> "No, I don't know if I can believe you, Rachel," he answered brokenly. "As much as I appreciate you being here, I don't think anything can be done to make things okay again. My son's dead, I can't remember the most recent years of my life, and....and I keep getting these strange visions...it's just so frustrating, Rach!"
> 
> "Oh, God, of course it is, honey. And I honestly wish more than anything that there was something I could do. You're my best friend and I care for you so much. I know things are going to be hard like you've never experienced them before, but please, let me be there in anyway I can." Ross couldn't answer, he just held onto Rachel and continued crying. "Oh, I know it's hard, shh, I really do. And I'm here for you. That's all I'm really trying to say."
> 
> She continued to hold him for the next few minutes, allowing him all the release he needed. Then he lifted his head slightly but didn't look at her.
> 
> "Can I tell you about one of these strange visions?"
> 
> "Of course. I'd love it if you did."
> 
> "Well, um, this is going to sound awkward, but I saw you lying in a hospital bed holding a baby. It looked like you had just given birth, and I had this feeling that it was my baby too." Ross wasn't sure how he had expected Rachel to react, but he hadn't imagined that her response would be silence. Feeling wary, he slowly looked up to find her expression one of shock and her mouth hanging open.
> 
> "What? I-is it true?" Ross felt numb and light-headed all of a sudden. Rachel swallowed and finally found her voice.
> 
> "Yes, honey. It's true. You and I- we have a daughter."
> 
> For a moment, Ross stared at her and then gradually resumed gazing down. He was positively speechless as well as stunned that Rachel had kept this from him. However, instead of words of anger and hurt, wracking sobs escaped him and he buried his face in his hands.
> 
> "Oh my God. I-I'm a hor-horrible father..." he sobbed, feeling tremendously lost, even as he felt Rachel's arms envelop him once again.
> 
> "No, no, don't say that, sweetie. This is my fault, I should have told you from the very start. But what with Ben and all I-"
> 
> Ross interrupted her. "Th-that's exactly it!" Came his voice, muffled by her shoulder. "First my son dies because of me, and then I can't even remember my own daughter. Now what kind of father is that?"
> 
> "Ross, what happened to Ben was not your fault. Why would you think that?" She asked in a gentle, soothing tone.
> 
> "He was coming to visit me! How could it not be my fault?"
> 
> Rachel took Ross's head gently but firmly between her hands and forced him to make eye contact with her. "You listen to me. You are not to blame for a bunch of underage teenagers driving irresponsibly. They chose to drink and get in a car, and it's them, only them, who has to pay the consequences. Ben and Carol were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. You had nothing to do with it. Do you understand me? _Nothing_." The expression in Rachel's eyes was fiercely compelling. But they softened and the grip on Ross's head relaxed as she continued. "I understand why you feel that way, Ross. You're grieving and feeling vulnerable, and blaming yourself tends to make a person feel less powerless, like they have control. But, please, don't do this to yourself, honey. You have enough to deal with right now, and I will not let you take responsibility for either accident." When Ross didn't answer, she kept going. "Ross, you are a wonderful parent, better than me in several ways, and always have been. Emma loves you and I couldn't be more grateful that you are her father. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine for not telling you. You absolutely deserved to know."
> 
> After a long pause, Ross finally spoke.
> 
> "So...what happened? Were we together? Are we really still married? Or did it just happen?"
> 
> "It was a one night stand. It wasn't planned, but we decided to keep it. And I'm glad we did. You'll love her, Ross. She's almost two years old, and already beautiful."
> 
> For the first time since Rachel could remember, Ross genuinely smiled. "That I can believe. She's part you." Rachel returned the smile and lovingly stroked one side of his face.
> 
> "You too. Her best features are yours, I swear."
> 
> For a moment, time stood still as the two of them gazed into one another's eyes. Ross, starting to feel uncomfortable, broke the trance by looking down. Rachel's lips formed a grim line. A completely different topic was yet to be discussed and revealed, but Rachel decided it would be best to take it one step at a time, and stayed quiet.
> 
> "Do you feel better now?" she asked, taking Ross's other hand. He looked back at her, and, pretty much able to find the answer in his expression, she pulled him against her in a hug.
> 
> "Yes, a little I guess. Thanks, Rach."
> 
> "Oh, sweetie, any time. Remember that." Ross sighed.
> 
> "I know. I just wished that Emma could have grown up to know her big brother."
> 
> "Aw, me too, honey. He was so good with her. She would have loved him." Rachel held him close, never wanting to let go. After having seen Ross in so much pain, she was happy that she had eased even a little bit of it. That was all she could do for now.


	9. Too Many Changes

> The following late afternoon, which was also the day before Ben's wake, Ross was released from the hospital. Rachel had accompanied him home in a cab, and now they were walking down the hall to his apartment. Rachel used her own key to let them in.  
Ross was surprised when he saw the inside of his apartment. To him, it felt like he had just moved in a few weeks ago. Obviously it had really been more than a few years.  
Rachel's voice broke into his thoughts. "Are you okay?" she asked gently.  
Ross turned around and looked at her, nodding absently. Then he sat down on the couch. Rachel sat next to him and placed an arm over his shoulders.  
"Are you sure?" Her other hand lightly rubbed his forearm.  
Ross sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. "I don't know. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Or if I must, I just want to forget about everything that has happened."  
"Oh, I know, honey," Rachel murmured softly. "You do look tired. You should get some rest."  
Assuming that she intended to leave, Ross opened his eyes and gripped her arm.  
"Rach?"  
"Yes?"  
"Umm, would you, uh, mind staying here with me tonight?"  
"Oh, Ross..." Rachel sighed and took his hand. "Ross, honey, under the circumstances, I'm not sure that would be such a good idea..."  
"No, no, I don't mean it like that, Rach," Ross quickly interjected. Suddenly, he felt his throat tighten and unexpected waves of panic creep over him. "Please, Rachel, all I meant was that I didn't want to be alone and..."  
"Hey, shh, shh, relax, it's okay." Rachel drew him into her arms. Ross sighed against the warmth of her sweater and slowly calmed down, feeling her hand stroke all over his back. "Of course I will stay with you. Nothing would make me happier."  
Rachel tucked the pillows on the couch behind her and laid back, taking Ross with her. She then pulled down the blanket draped over the couch and spread it over them. His head rested on her chest and hands lay on her upper arms. For several minutes they remained like that, never having felt more comfortable.  
"Oh, do you want to take off your shoes or something?" Rachel whispered.  
"No," came Ross' response. "I'm perfect."  
Rachel couldn't help but smile. "Me too."  
A contented silence stretched. Rachel's hands roamed involuntarily over Ross' back and through his hair. Her heartbeat sounded relaxingly under his ear.  
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" Rachel added, whispering and breaking the silence.  
"No," Ross repeated. "Just being with you is enough. Good night."  
"Good night, sweetie."
> 
> * * *
> 
> Meanwhile, Joey, Phoebe, and Mike were upstairs in the opposite building, not saying much too one another. They were all well aware that Ross was too ashamed too see or talk to anyone but Rachel. With Monica and Chandler busy moving into their new place, they hardly had time to be involved in the situation. Although Monica had been tremendously worried about her brother, she had understood and accepted that he needed time. For now, she had decided to maintain her focus on running her new family and life.  
Phoebe sighed sadly. She had been aware that change was underway, but this was too much. It was desolate enough without her friends across the hall who had moved and her friend across the building who was so miserable he couldn't even talk to her. She missed Chandler's uplifting jokes and Monica's upbeat spontaneity. She missed Ross rambling on about paleontology as well as his caring nature and helpful advice. She missed the lost life that had defined her for the past ten years.


	10. Confessions of Love

Ross' eyes slowly opened and the first thing he felt was soft fleece, warm from flesh, rising and falling against his cheek. Then he lifted his head and found Rachel sound asleep underneath him. Just as he was vaguely recollecting the night before, her own eyes opened and smiled ahead at him.  
"Good morning," she said in a soft voice, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
"Good morning," he returned.  
Ross moved himself off of her and to the other end of the couch, feeling self-conscious. He wasn't sure why, but he also felt really confused, like he knew he wanted something, but was afraid to retrieve it. He didn't want to admit it, but that something was Rachel.  
Rachel sat next to Ross and put an arm around him, breaking into his thoughts. "Hey," she whispered. "Are you okay?"  
To conceal his inner turmoil, Ross attempted a smile. "Yeah," he answered. "Thanks for staying with me last night."  
Rachel smiled tenderly. "Aw, sweetie, no problem." She hugged him warmly. Ross told himself to pull away, as being this near to her only worsened his uncertainty. However, he also wanted to stay like this in her arms forever, the only place where he felt whole and sheltered.  
Finally, Ross forced himself to withdraw from the hug and, with another weak smile at Rachel, looked down at his hands.  
Rachel's hand remained on his back. "Do you want me to make some coffee? You look like you could use a rouser."  
"Sure, that'd be great, Rach. Thanks." Rachel smiled heart-meltingly once again, and kissed his forehead.  
"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes."  
Once she was in the kitchen, Ross' lingering feelings returned. Why of all times did these thoughts have to plague his mind? He was sure he knew that being in a lasting relationship with Rachel of any kind was an empty promise. He knew it was better and healthier this way as just being friends, but he also felt they were destined. Still, he knew he had to be realistic. If only he could rid himself of these old, recurring feelings. Tears burned his throat and eyes as he tried to comprehend how life could to throw so many sufferings at a person simultaneously.  
Just as she promised, Rachel returned a few minutes later with two steaming mugs in hand. She sat down next to Ross and handed him one. Then she noticed that his face was contorted with anguish and a tear spill over from his brimming eye.  
"Ross, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of worry and concern. Ross wiped the tear away and turned away from her.  
"Nothing," Came his shaky reply, and he audibly swallowed.  
Rachel placed her mug on the coffee table, and placed her hands on his shoulders.  
"Hey," she said softly turning him around. "What is it, sweetie? You know you can tell me anything." Ross' lower lip trembled and he looked down, unable to keep more tears from streaming down his face. Then he couldn't hold it in any longer, and collapsed into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Rachel held him tight and close, her face tightening in worry and compassion.  
"I'm so sorry," he sobbed, his voice muffled by her chest. He shook hysterically against her and his tears soaked through her sweater.  
"Hey, hey, shh," she soothed, rubbing his back. "For what? You've done nothing wrong, sweetheart."  
"Yes, I have," he returned brokenly. "I've hurt you in the worst way possible, and still you're so good to me. I don't deserve you, and I never have."  
Rachel knew what he was talking about. "Ross, I know you never meant to do what you did. Sweetie, it's okay, everyone makes mistakes, and it was partly my fault, too. I was very wrong in trying to force you to take full responsibility for the mess we got ourselves into. Please, don't blame yourself."  
Ross continued sobbing, and Rachel rocked him back and forth. "I love you, Rachel, and I always have. I can't keep it in me any longer. I only married Emily because I didn't want to admit it too myself, but it stayed with me even during the wedding ceremony when I said your name. It did mean something, and I never worked the nerve to confess it to you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"  
Rachel's own eyes filled with tears and she tightly held the shattered love of her life in her arms. "Oh, Ross, baby. I love you too. So much. Shh, don't cry, you're making me feel horrible. Seeing you so hurt partly because of me has been the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. Believe me, sweetie, I love you more than my own life."  
Ross slowly raised his head and looked up at her with reddened, yet hopeful eyes. "Really?"  
Rachel sighed amorously and then brought her hands over his face, smoothing away the stray tears. They slid back into his hair, where they settled securely as she lowered her lips to his. The kiss started off tender, and gradually grew passionate. Ross' tense grip on the sides of her shoulders loosed and his hands slid down her arms and found her waist. When they were both out of breath, they hugged tightly, holding on for dear life. Rachel kissed Ross' head and lay her cheek on top of it. She felt light, and somehow she felt a ton of burden being lifted off Ross as well.  
"I love you, Rach," he whispered almost inaudibly.  
"I love you too, baby." 


	11. I'll Take Care of You

An hour had passed, and neither Rachel nor Ross had moved from their position. Rachel rested her chin on his head and stared ahead worriedly. It wasn't them she was concerned about, or the possibility that their relationship may take another downward turn. As far as the two of them went, she sadly had to admit that it had took this terrible turn of events to patch them up once and for all. It was Ross she was worried about.  
"I don't know if I can do it, Rach," Ross' tear-filled voice broke into her thoughts.  
Rachel looked down and stroked his hair with the hand on the arm that wasn't wrapped around his waist, holding him against her. "Do what, sweetie?" she asked gently.  
"Go...t-to the wake..." he answered, now sobbing openly against her chest. "I'm so...so scared."  
"Oh God, honey, of course you are. Nobody ever wants to have to bury their child. But you won't be alone. I'll be there for you tonight, tomorrow, and the rest of your life." Despite the fact that they were muffled by her sweater, Ross' hitching sobs stung Rachel's ears. And no matter how tightly she held him, he couldn't stop shaking. This was what she was worried about. That all the love she had for him wouldn't be enough to make him whole again.  
"Sweetie, I know that this is the hardest thing that you have ever had to go through, and I can't possibly know exactly what it's like. But you're strong, and everything will be fine, no matter how impossible it may seem." Rachel paused and gently kissed the side of his head as he patently tried to calm down. "Shh, take a deep breath...there you go...it will be all right."  
Several moments stretched as Ross' breathing gradually resumed slow and steady again. Even then, he remained in the haven that was Rachel's arms. She gently stroked his back.  
"Feel better?" she asked softly. Ross nodded and swallowed.  
"I love you, Rachel, so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."  
"You never will, baby. I'll take care of you, I promise."  
Another phase of comfortable silence arose and lingered. Ross lay in Rachel's arms, no longer doubting that there was nothing left for him. He now had what he had always truly desired when he needed her the most.  
  
Phoebe was still at Joey's apartment and still feeling down about her life. She heard a knock at the door and, with a spark of hope, went to answer it. Sure enough, it was Ross, looking thinner, sadder, and sicker than she had ever seen him. His eyes were dull and red, obviously from crying.  
"Oh, Ross," Phoebe whispered and held out her arms, pulling him into a tight, comforting hug. He even felt thinner and more fragile than he looked.  
"Hey, Pheebs." He said in a rasping voice. She pulled back so he was at arms' length and examined him again.  
"Oh God," she grimaced. "Are you okay?" she asked, for once in her life not knowing what else to say.  
Ross shrugged. "As good as can be expected. Look, Pheebs, I came to say that I'm sorry for not wanting to talk to you. I...I just didn't want you to see me this way."  
"Oh, Ross, it's okay, don't apologize. We have been extremely worried about you, but you needed the time and we understand completely. Come in." She pulled him over to the couch just as Joey walked out of his room. Seeing his friend, he came over and wrapped him in a hug.  
"Hey, man. We've missed you."  
"Me, too, Joey." Ross felt fresh tears sting his eyes, but absolutely refused to let himself lose it now. He broke the hug and sat down between his two friends, both of their supportive hands on either shoulder. Nothing was said, but all was understood. Ross felt relieved, as he had been nervous about this visit. Even though Rachel had offered to go with him, he was insistent that this was something he needed to do alone. Tonight would be different. 


	12. Saying Goodbye

> Several hours later, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Mike left for the wake. Ross and Rachel rode together in a cab while the other three took the taxi behind the one they had hailed. Monica and Chandler were to meet them there.
> 
> Throughout the short trip, Ross was silent. Rachel reached over and took his had, holding it the rest of the excursion. When both cabs finally stopped in front of the funeral home, Ross got out with Rachel, who had paid the driver, right behind him. He immediately saw his sister and apparent brother-in-law standing by the entrance.
> 
> Monica also saw them and met them halfway, immediately drawing her brother into a hug. The siblings stood in the middle of the parking lot, holding each other, with their friends surrounding them. Rachel and Chandler each stood behind their rightful lover for supplementary support.
> 
> Finally, Ross and Monica broke their hug. Ross turned around and took Rachel's hand. She squeezed it in reassurance and together, in silence, all seven of them walked in through the entrance of the funeral home.
> 
> Once he had crossed the threshold, Ross felt more panicky and unnerved than he ever had in his life. But Rachel's supportive hand and the willpower within him motivated him to continue. Almost at first glance, he saw Carol, whose arm was in a sling from the accident that killed her son and left her alive. She saw him as well, and came over.
> 
> "Ross," she almost inaudibly whispered, and also hugged him. She appeared composed, which even now wasn't a shocker to Ross. From the time he had first met her in college, Carol had been exceedingly strong internally. He was no such complement, at least not at the moment. They broke the hug and looked at each other with mutual suffering and awareness.
> 
> "Have you seen him yet?" Ross asked, trying hard to not let his voice crack but no such avail. He felt Rachel's hand leave his and her arm slide around his waist.
> 
> "Yes. It was so hard. Are you going to be okay?" she asked, placing a hand on the side of his arm.
> 
> Ross wanted to scream _"What do you think?!"_, but he was able to tell that this was her way of trying to cover up her own hurt, by making it obscure. Instead, he placed his hand on hers. "I'll be fine, Carol," he replied and smiled at her with false reassurance. Then he walked, with Rachel by his side, into the main area where his son had been laid. At first sight of Ben lying ever-so still in the casket nearly froze his mind and body movements. As they got a little closer, Ross couldn't look at the waxen shell that once contained his son's lively spirit. He felt his stomach heave, and pulled free of Rachel to run into the hallway for the bathroom.
> 
> "Honey!" he heard Rachel call, but he didn't stop, even though he knew she was after him. He made it through the restroom door, into one of the stalls, and bent over the toilet bowl, unable to get rid of the appalling image of Ben's corpse or the stifling scent that poorly concealed the essence of death in the place.
> 
> He heard the door swing open, and was immediately sure that it was Rachel.
> 
> "Ross, honey, it's me. Where are you?" Rachel was able to find the answer her self by following the gagging sounds coming from inside the stall. She let her self in and knelt beside Ross, enclosing his shaking form in her arms. When he managed to finally stop retching, he was panting and bathed in sweat. He leaned against Rachel until he was able to breathe sufficiently again.
> 
> "Are you okay?" she asked in concern, brushing sweat off of his face with her fingertips. He didn't answer, but managed to stand up with her help. They navigated their way over to the sink, where Ross splashed cold water on his face to get rid of the residual beads of sweat. He felt Rachel place a cool, damp paper towel on his neck and also her hand massage his back.
> 
> "Sweetie, you don't have to do this." She whispered soothingly.
> 
> "Yes, yes I do, Rachel," he asserted. "As hard as it is, I will never be able to live with myself in the future if I can't even say goodbye to my dead son…who I'm never going to see again…what kind of father am I…" he trailed off, his voice cracking, but he stifled any tears.
> 
> Rachel pulled him down beside her and held him against her. He rested his head on her, taking deep cleansing breaths once again.
> 
> "Ross, honey, this would be hard for anyone, especially a parent. The fact that you're scared proves even more what a compassionate person, let alone father you are. Don't criticize yourself because this is so difficult, sweetie. I couldn't live with myself if I let you think that, because it is absolutely not true," Rachel said resolutely, and kissed his temple gently.
> 
> A few minutes later, Ross said determinedly "I can do this." Rachel smiled and slowly pulled him off the floor with her hands. They made there way back into the hallway, where Phoebe and Joey were waiting, looking concerned.
> 
> "Is everything okay?" Joey asked. "We saw you both run in there."
> 
> "Yeah, yeah," Ross responded quickly. "I just felt sick. But I'm fine now."
> 
> "Ross, it's going to be okay," Phoebe reassured, taking his hand that Rachel wasn't holding. "We're all here for you. Don't ever think you're alone."
> 
> Ross smiled slightly. "Thanks, Pheebs. That means a lot." He took a deep breath and stared into the room labeled **WILLICK**. With Rachel and his friends right beside him he slowly made his way in and toward the small casket. When they got there, all were silent and entranced as they gazed solemnly upon the little boy who looked so peaceful he might as well be sleeping. All bruises and evidence of the horrible accident that had caused this were gone.
> 
> Ross began speaking. "Hey, Ben. I just want you to know that I'll always miss you and never forget you. There will be a huge void in me for the rest of my life. I know that Emma, your little sister, would have loved you and looked up to you greatly. Now all she'll have is the memories I tell her of. I love you, son, and not a day will go by that I won't think of or miss you." There he stopped unable to say anymore. Rachel squeezed him and whispered "You did great, sweetie." Behind them, Phoebe and Joey's eyes filled with tears.
> 
> Rachel took it upon herself to speak as well, for Ross' sake and also because it felt right. "Hey there, Ben. I just want to tell you don't worry about your Daddy or your sister, your aunt Rachel will take care of both of them. I'll always remember what a precious, special child you were, always full of life. I'll never forget the day you said your first word when I was holding you, or that other wacky day when I taught you those practical jokes. Goodbye, sweetie, none of us will ever forget you." Rachel swallowed past a lump in her throat, and next to her Ross was silently sobbing. She led him away to sit on a cushioned bench. She reached into her pocket for some tissues and handed them to him, which he wiped his face with.
> 
> Some time later near the end of the wake, after having spoken to Ross' parents, Susan, and Monica and Chandler again, Ross and Rachel decided to leave. It was dark outside when they summoned the cab to take them home.
> 
> They were inside and moving when Rachel said to Ross "You look so tired, honey." Ross didn't bother to stifle a yawn and nodded. She slid an arm around him and coaxed his head against her shoulder. He closed his eyes and stayed in that position for the whole ride home.
> 
> Ross felt himself drifting off when Rachel whispered audibly enough "We're back, sweetie." He lifted himself off of her and got out behind her. They walked hand in hand up the steps to his building and down the hallway to the apartment.
> 
> They silently entered and took off their coats. Ross sat on the couch with Rachel immediately following suit. She took his hand in both of hers.
> 
> "You did it, honey. I know that wasn't easy, and you made it."
> 
> Ross started to cry. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he apologized, but seemed unable to stop.
> 
> "Hey, sweetheart, it's okay, don't be," she said comfortingly, hugging him to her. "You're exhausted, and you need some rest. Come on, let's get you into bed." She slowly helped him off the couch and led him into his bedroom. There, she got him under the covers and stood over him, still holding his hand.
> 
> "Do you want me to stay with you?"
> 
> "Of course I do," he responded gratefully, sounding less upset. "I need you."
> 
> Rachel willingly complied, and pulled him on her so his head rested underneath her chin. She soothingly massaged his tense back, arms, and shoulders, which prompted relaxed sighs to escape him.
> 
> "I love you," he whispered before drifting off completely in her arms.
> 
> Rachel kissed him on his forehead. "And I love you, sweetie. I'll always be here," she added, even though he was already asleep.


	13. I Have Faith In You

> _Ross stared around himself, thoroughly confused. Then it came to him. He was at someone's wake. Only he couldn't remember who it was for. Baffled, he continued to gaze about. Suddenly a casket at the end of the room filled with people caught his eye, and his stomach literally turned to ice when he saw Rachel lying in it, still and waxen, like Ben had been. He screamed her name before falling into blackness..._  
  
Ross sat up in bed, breathing heavily and frantically taking in his surroundings. Rachel, having been startled awake as well, sat up and reached out for Ross, who was sobbing uncontrollably.
> 
> "Rachel!" he yelled again.
> 
> "Shh, sweetie, I'm here," she assured, holding him against her.
> 
> "Oh God, Rach, I thought...I thought..." he trailed off, crying and shaking hysterically.
> 
> "Shh, calm down, everything's fine, sweetie. I'm here," she whispered soothingly, kissing him on the top of his head. She stroked his back and tried to calm him down.
> 
> "Oh, God... Rach... it was hor-horrible. You died and..." he couldn't finish, he just clung to her body fiercely and buried his face her chest, soaking her shirt with his tears.
> 
> "Shh, it's okay, sweetie," she murmured softly. "I'm right here. It was just a dream."
> 
> Rachel held and rocked him as he cried himself back to sleep. Once he had, he lay still in her arms, yet still shuddered now and then in his sleep. Rachel held him close, taking in how perfectly he fit in her embrace. This was how she had wished for it to be. She wanted nothing more than to be the one who eased his pain and the arms he sought comfort in. She only hoped that that could be enough.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Several hours later, Ross and Rachel were both up and in the kitchen. Ross was sitting at the table, staring hauntingly ahead, while Rachel was making him coffee. After pouring some into a mug, she turned around to bring it to him. She also sat down beside him and took his hand in hers. The sight of his tear-filled bruised brown eyes made her insides ache.
> 
> "Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked, even though she knew it was obvious. Then she regretted saying anything, as her question made struggling not to cry harder.
> 
> "Come here," she whispered, drawing him into her arms and rubbing his back, trying to make amends. His cheek lay on her shoulder and arms hung tightly around her waist. She could hear his unsteady breathing as he fought to calm down. A few minutes passed before Ross spoke.
> 
> "Rachel?" he inquired in a some- what scared, child-like voice.
> 
> "Yes, sweetie?" she responded, threading a hand through his thick hair.
> 
> "I'm ready to see her." Rachel turned her head so she could see his eyes, which were staring up at her from her shoulder.
> 
> "Who? Emma?"
> 
> "Yes. I want to be a father to her, like she deserves." He sounded on the verge of tears. Rachel pulled him closer.
> 
> "Oh, baby, it's okay. Don't cry. You've always been a good father, and I have one hundred percent faith in you. Of course, I'll bring her over tomorrow. Everything will be fine." He nodded into her shoulder.
> 
> "Thank you." He barely whispered, choked-up. Rachel kissed him on the side of his forehead, and continued to hold him. Pretty soon, it would be time for the funeral of his only son, something she knew he would never truly be ready for.


	14. Sealing the Bond

It was much later that night, after the long and dreaded funeral. Rachel sat on Ross' couch with his head in her lap and a blanket spread across his body, which had been shaking violently before she had soothed him to sleep. Since the service had started, he had not stopped crying until they were home and away from everyone. Gazing down at his still, momentarily peaceful form, Rachel contemplated that she would be content just taking care of and comforting him and Emma for the rest of her life. And she vowed silently that she would, no matter what.

* * *

The next day, Ross sat on his couch apprehensively and alone in the apartment. Rachel had gone to pick up Emma from her mother's place and was likely to return any minute now. He had declined going along with her, because being around anyone but Rachel while he, apparently, "reunited" with his daughter would be more than a little daunting. He did know that either way, this meeting would be hard and emotional, as his son had been buried less than twenty-four hours in the past.

Sure enough, Rachel sauntered in a moment later with a beautiful small toddler in her arms. Ross was enthralled by her beauty and physical similarity to her mother. Rachel set Emma down, and the little girl immediately ran to her father.

"Daddy!" she squealed in delight, and Ross gracelessly caught her in his arms as she ran to him at full force. A knot caught in his throat as he remembered doing the same thing to Ben some time ago.

"Hey...Emma," he stumbled over his words, feeling even more stupid as he caught Rachel smiling encouragingly at him by the door. He looked at his daughter and saw his own eyes, the same ones that had also belonged to Ben. He examined her fresh, young face and came to a realization as to how right this felt. In his arms was a pristine creation that bound the two of them together, further enhancing their certain destiny. Ross' eyes filled with tears as he hugged Emma against him.

"Emma." Rachel noticed his expression, and came over to join them. Upon comprehending that everything was okay, she gently placed a hand on her daughter and lover's back. Then she slid her arms farther around and held them both close.

* * *

About an hour later, after having eaten dinner, Ross and Rachel were seated on the couch as they watched their daughter contently play with toys on the floor.

"I can't believe that I thought this would be hard," Ross commented, his eyes not leaving Emma. Rachel brought his hand that she had been holding to her lips, kissing the backs of his fingers.

"Oh, sweetie, I can. But like I said, I have faith in you. I know it's hard to believe that things will be okay again, but little things along the way can help." Ross turned to her and smiled.

"You're right. I don't know what I would do if it hadn't been for you Rachel. Thank you." He said seriously. Rachel smiled back and moved closer to Ross. She slid an arm between his back and the couch and secured it there, looking into his eyes.

"I'll always be here Ross," she said genuinely, sounding serious as well. "Please, always remember that."

"I will. Which is why... he trailed off and fumbled in his pocket for something. Rachel's eyes grew wide, as she could take a hint as to what was about to happen. Needless to say, Ross pulled out a small velvet box and held it in front of her.

"Rachel, these past few days have been...well, hell, for lack of a better word. But because of you, they have also become heaven. You were there for me when I needed someone the most, and unconditionally stuck by me." He paused and swallowed. Rachel squeezed his hand, letting him take his time before he continued. "You awakened old, yet genuine, feelings in me through your comfort and compassion. I can think of no one else who I would want to spend the rest of my life with. This time when I say it, I have never meant it more." He paused again, this time briefly. "Rachel Green, will you marry me?"

Rachel's eyes sparkled and she placed a hand lovingly on the side of his face. "Oh, yes, Ross Geller. A thousand times yes." She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. The kiss grew passionate, sealing the promise once and for all


	15. Truly Happy

Ross lay in bed on his side with Rachel asleep behind him. Her arms were draped around him and her right hand rested on his stomach, placing her glittering diamond ring in his clear view. He couldn't help but smile. Now he believed what Rachel had said about things getting better with time. All because of her and their beautiful daughter she had bore, they really were.  
  
Ross felt relaxed for the first time in days. He was just lying there in the dark, wrapped in Rachel's arms, when suddenly a random recollection came to his mind. Rachel was walking away from him and dragging a suitcase behind her toward a runaway gate. She had a sorrowful look on her face, but continued on anyway. Right then, everything came back to him. At that time, suddenly everything came back: throwing a ball back in forth with Joey for nearly ten hours, dancing with Monica at Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve Party, walking down the aisle with Rachel and Phoebe at Monica and Chandler's wedding, hanging out at his apartment with Rachel, Joey, and Charlie, and also being at Emma's first birthday party...it was like a complete rejuvenation in his brain. Then the last thing he could remember was confessing his love to Rachel before she turned him down and got on the plane anyway. "Rachel," he whispered loudly. Rachel jerked her head up and out of her slumber.  
  
"What is it, honey?" she whispered. "Is everything okay?" Ross turned around and looked at her with tears in his eyes. "You came back," he whispered in incredulity.  
  
"Sweetie, what are you talking about?" Rachel asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"You came back," he repeated. "You were going to fly off to Paris, but you came back." Rachel's eyes widened with excitement. "You remember?" she inquired hopefully, stroking his cheek. Ross nodded.  
  
"I do. Everything. It suddenly all just came back." Rachel smiled happily and put her arms around him.  
  
"Oh, that's so great!" she exclaimed, holding him tight. She then pulled back just so she could see his eyes. "Yes, Ross, I did come back. I love you so much, and you made me realize it. For that, I love you even more." Rachel then noticed, even in the darkness, that Ross' face was covered with tears.  
  
"Sweetie, what's wrong?"  
  
"Oh. nothing, really. I love you so much, Rachel. If wasn't for you....well, lets not get into what I would do." He laughed through tears.  
  
"Yeah, you're right, sweetie. Let's not. Let's just focus on what is." Rachel proposed, as she reached over to brush the from his face.  
  
"Hey, Rach?" Ross asked after a few moments of blissful silence passed.  
  
"Yes?" she asked softly.  
  
"You think that we'll want to have any more children?"  
  
"Well, if you do. I'd be perfectly fine if it was just Emma for the rest of our lives, but more children would definitely make me happy if it makes you." Rachel could take a hint by his silence. He was scared to go through losing another child, but at the same time wanted to relive the thrill of having more. She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at Ross through the shadows of the night. "You really do want another, don't you?"  
  
"Actually, I would be happy if it was just Emma too. We pretty much are a family already, and I like how it is." "Honey, are you sure? If there's anything, I mean anything, I can do to make you happy, it will happen."  
  
"You make me happy." They looked into one another's eyes tenderly, which reflected the moonlight and one another's undying love. Rachel pulled him close and kissed him gently, and at that time they both did feel truly happy, as they hoped to for the rest of their lives. 


	16. Nightmares

The serenity of Ross' mind that had occurred the enthralling night he proposed to the woman he loved was short-lived as of the next day. Even after an entire week following Ben's death, he was still unable to fall asleep without plunging into some sort of nightmare. At least once during the nighttime, Ross would wake up screaming and crying. Rachel would patiently hold and calm him as he finally drifted off again, only to relive the revulsion again and again. She also didn't press him to talk about the subject matter of his dreams when he would frenziedly refuse.  
Rachel had been so wonderful and supportive that Ross couldn't even find the right words to let her know how much it meant to him. He would easily breakdown at the mere thought of losing her like he had Ben. Rachel would continually promise that she would never leave him under any circumstances, but Ross couldn't shake the recurring fear that the exact opposite would happen. He knew that she would never do so intentionally, but he also was aware that his son wouldn't have either if he could've helped it.  
Rachel worried about Ross so much, that she had cut a great deal of work to stay with him. On this particular day, Ross had urged her to go, as he did not want to be responsible for her being fired again after she had already abandoned a dream opportunity for him. Rachel had finally caved and reluctantly gone, having sternly made Ross promise to immediately call her if he needed or even wanted anything.  
Now Ross sat alone in his apartment on his couch, wedged in a daze of mixed emotions. A knock at his door startled him out of his intense reverie, and a morbid, unexplainable fear seized him.  
"Who is it?" he called shakily. The door cautiously swung open to reveal his younger sister. Ross breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Monica crossed the room and to her brother's side on the couch.  
"Sweetie, are you alright?" she asked, very concerned. "You're white as a sheet. Ross stared down at his hands.  
"I'm fine," he muttered unconvincingly. "Just paranoid, I guess." Monica reached over and placed a solid arm around her brother. He wearily leaned his head on her shoulder and felt her hand gently rub his shoulder. The siblings sat in comfortable silence for the space of several minutes.  
"I'm glad you came, Mon," Ross remarked, breaking the hush. Then he swallowed noticeably. "Will you so something with me?" he asked timidly. His sister turned her head and looked down at him with eyes filled with love and support.  
"Of course. Anything." Monica's words and tone brought tears to Ross' eyes. To keep her from seeing them, he lifted his head and got up. Then he walked over to his bookshelf and retrieved a dust-collected photo album. He carried it with trembling hands back to the couch and resumed sitting beside his sister.  
"What's this?" Monica asked gently. Ross took a deep breath and turned the cover of the thick book. On the first page was a simple arrangement of pictures depicting his newborn son.  
"Pictures from when Ben was a baby," he responded, unable to keep his voice from breaking. Monica became worried and put her arm around his shoulders again.  
"Ross, are you sure you're ready to do this? There's no rush, sweetie."  
"Yes, Mon," Ross fought to sound determined. "I've been wanting to for a while, but I wanted you to be with me." Monica smiled tenderly and covered his hand with hers.  
"I'm glad. I would never want you to have to do this alone."  
Ross burrowed close to his sister for support and examined the photographs of his infant son through brimming tears, which he struggled to blink back.  
"Look, it's you holding him for the first time. I remember what you said to him: 'Hey Ben. I'm you're Aunt Monica.'"  
"'I'll always have gum.'" Monica finished with a soft laugh. "Aw, and it's him with you and Carol. I always knew that you two would make amazing parents in spite of your situation."  
"Yeah." Ross said meekly with a stifled sob. Monica looked down to see him swiping his hand over his cheeks and her heart ached. She hated seeing her brother cry.  
"Oh, honey, it's too soon." She gently closed the book and pulled Ross close to her. He turned his face and buried it in her shoulder, at last allowing himself to cry. She held him tightly and stroked his back.  
"I can't take this anymore, Mon," came his muffled voice through broken sobs. "I keep having the nightmares that the same things is happening to Rach, Emma, you, Chandler, and everyone else I care about. Last night, I dreamed that Rachel was in a coma and brain dead, and then I saw you in a coffin. I can't fall asleep without waking up screaming anymore." Ross' words were between and followed by hitching cries. Monica's face tightened in sympathetic pain.  
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of this, trust me. Everything will be fine, you'll see, You have all of us."  
"I feel so empty all of the time. Even though I have Rachel, I'm so scared that she may leave me, whether it's on purpose or unintentional. All I ever do anymore is cry in front of her, and I wouldn't blame her for dropping me."  
"Oh, God, no, Ross, Rachel loves you so much. She tells me all of the time lately how much she hates seeing you in pain and would do anything for you. And trust me, you're doing nothing wrong. If she loves you like she says, and I know she does, you have nothing to worry about. She'll always be there for you, never doubt that." Ross swallowed and attempted to calm down. It took him several minutes to do so.  
"She tells me the same thing all the time. She's been the best and I love her so much for that. There's no one else I want to be with for the rest of my life. That part's not the problem. Ben's accident brutally reminded me that life's not perfect and things happen. I just can't bear even the thought of losing her or any of you too." He started to cry again. Monica held him securely, rubbing his back.  
"I do know how you feel, sweetie. Ben's death brought me into the light, too. There have been time lately when I've been terrified out of my mind that I may lose Chandler, the babies, you—as unexpectedly as we lost Ben. But we can't live in fear. It furthermore means that we have to cherish what we still have and have faith that everything will be fine." Monica looked down at her brother's face, which was pressed against her jacket between her shoulder and neck. His bloodshot eyes, which were also rimmed with dark circles, stared blankly ahead. She placed her hand on the back of his head and gently stroked his dark hair.  
"Honey, you look like you haven't rested in ages." She commented seriously. Ross sighed.  
"I haven't slept well all week, even with Rachel by my side. I'm so tired, but I just can't catch a break." His eyes brimmed with fresh tears. Monica lifted one arm and took hold of a pillow on the end of the couch, which she placed in her lap.  
"That's about to change," She said softy and patted the pillow. "Here, lie down." Ross complied and sighed contentedly, closing his eyes. Monica pulled down the blanket draped on top of the couch and spread it over him. She soothingly rubbed his arm and shoulder.  
"I can't, Mon. I'm scared." Ross said suddenly and tried to sit up, but Monica adamantly held him down.  
"Shh, sweetie, everything will be fine. I'm right here. Just keep telling yourself that. If you can fall asleep with a peaceful mid, you won't have nightmares."  
"Do you promise?" Ross asked in a small, childlike voice.  
"I promise." She replied reassuringly. With that, Ross' eyes closed, and eventually his breathing grew slow and steady. Monica continued to rub his back in soothing circles. After several minutes had passed, his placid expression tensed and became contorted with anguish.  
  
_ Ross woke up in a cold sweat to find himself immobilized. He was  
strapped to a wooden backboard from head to toe. A doctor walked in  
and examined him grimly.  
"Sir, you were in an accident. The cab you were riding in was  
overturned. You severely bent your spine and sprained your neck. You  
won't be moving or walking for a while."  
Ross felt weak and ready to cry. Then he remembered something.  
"Rachel..." he managed feebly. The doctor's expression became sad and defeated.  
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Gellar. But you're fiancée is dead..." The  
doctor continued to ramble on, but Ross heard nothing more. Trembling  
violently, he turned his eyes as far to the left as he could and  
caught sight of a sheet-covered body lying on a stretcher. A limp arm  
hung down one side. He cried out painfully when he recognized the  
diamond ring displayed on the motionless third finger...  
_  
Ross moaned and jerked in his sleep. Monica instinctively held him closer and stroked his back and side, but the agonized sounds persisted.  
Gripping her brother's hand tightly, Monica picked up his phone to dial Rachel's work number. 


	17. Love Will Find a Way

"Rachel Green's office."

"Rach? It's Mon."

"Hey. What's up?" Rachel became concerned. Monica hardly ever called her at work. Monica looked down at Ross, who had woken up and was panting heavily. Tears silently streamed down his face as he frantically took in his surroundings. Monica squeezed his hand.

"Just come to Ross', Rach." Now Rachel was really worried.

"Oh, God. Okay, I'll be right there." The words were immediately followed by a click on the other end. Monica hung up the phone and looked at her brother. He was staring off into the diatance with a lost expression and tears glistening in his eyes.

"Sweetie, it's okay. It was just a nightmare. Rachel's coming, everything will be okay." She continued to hold his hand and stroked his hair. After a few minutes, he sat up and wrapped his arms around his shivering form. Monica placed her hand on his shoulder, but he abruptly moved away.

"They're not going to go away, are they, Mon? You told me they would. You lied to me!" his voice cracked as he began to sob. Monica drew her brother into a hug, ignoring his momentary resistance. He finally caved and allowed himself to cry in his sister's embrace.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "It's just, I-I hate them. They're ruining my life and now h-hers,... too."

"Shh, shh, no, sweetie, you're not ruining Rachel's life. You're well being is what matters to her more than anything." she soothed. Ross continued to cry, and Monica tried her best to comfort him. Even by the time Rachel had arrived and opened the door, Monica was still attempting and receiving no avail. When Rachel saw her fiancé, she immediately went to sit beside him on the couch.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" she questioned, placing a hand on his back. Ross pulled out of Monica's arms and left for his bedroom in tears, shutting the door behind him. Rachel exchanged a surprised, concerned glance with Monica.

"What happened?" she asked her friend warily.

"He had another nightmare," Monica responded solemnly. Rachel's face tightened in empathy.

"Poor thing, he's been having them all week."

"I know. He told me. He also thinks he's ruining your life." Rachel became visibly upset.

"Oh, my God. I should go be with him. He's doing anything but that, Mon, I swear." She started to get up, but Monica grabbed her arm.

"No, Rach. He's a huge mess, and if you go in there, it will only make him more upset. He doesn't want you to see him like this anymore." Rachel wasn't fazed.

"But Monica, I love him and he's hurting. He needs me to be there now more than ever. I'm going to be his wife and I promised to take care of him. There's no way I'm going to just stand here with him sobbing in the next room and let him think he's a burden to me." Monica looked at her best friend, moved by how much she cared for her older brother. She was forever touched and loved her for it.

"Oh, Rachel, wow," Monica was at a loss for words. "I know I've said this before, but you're absolutely the only woman I trust to be right for my brother. I've never seen him so happy with anyone else. With you as a wife, he'll get through this and be just fine."

"Oh." Now Rachel was speechless. Her eyes shone with touched tenderness and she hugged Monica tight.

"You have my word," she whispered. "I'll always love him, and I'll never leave him like the others. I also promise to be better than that third woman he married." Monica chuckled lightly and broke the hug.

"I do think you should go in, just give him a few minutes to calm down. I gotta go, the twins have an appointment. I think Chandler's still in shock that there are two of them." Monica hugged her friend again and left.

Rachel got up from the couch and walked over to the door of Ross' room. She rapped on the wood lightly so she wouldn't startle him.

"Sweetie?" she called. There was no answer. "I'm coming in, okay?" Again, the only response she received was dead silence, not any words, movements, or even crying. Rachel carefully pushed open the door to see Ross lying on the far side of the bed with his back to her. She was unable to tell whether he was sleeping or ignoring her.

Rachel settled herself on the vacant side of the bed and reached over to stroke Ross' hair. He flinched at her touch and she moved her hand to his back, which she rubbed gently.

"Honey," Rachel said softly. "Please look at me." After several seconds of delay, Ross turned himself around, and Rachel fought back a wince. His eyes were so red, she could barely see their pupils.

"Oh, baby, come here," she said, and positioned herself up against the headboard, opening her arms. Ross shifted into to them, laying his head on her shoulder. He tentatively rested a hand on her stomach, and she covered it with hers.

"Don't ever think you're a burden to me," Rachel commanded softly. "I love you so much, Ross, and you'll always be my top priority. I would quit my job and waitress at Central Perk again if it meant I was doing good for you. Trust me, sweetie, you always come first." She kissed Ross' temple and settled her chin on his head. She had forgotten over the years how perfectly he fit in the space of her arms. Ross swallowed audibly before speaking.

"I don't know what to say, Rachel. You're just the best. I don't know what I would do without you." He paused and started to cry. "See? How can you even want me anymore? All I ever do is cry and feel sorry for myself." He struggled to control his sobs, but still quaking whimpers escaped and his breathing was hitching and uneven.

"Honey, stop," Rachel said softly. She brushed the tears from his face with her thumb. "Sweetie, you lost your first-born child, and I would be even more worried about you than I already am if you weren't like this, as much as I hate seeing it. Ross, I love you so much and I want you to be open and comfortable to express what you're feeling at all times. And that means if you're hurt, I want you to come to me for comfort. I'll _always_ be here, sweetie. I want to do whatever it takes to make you okay."

"Now I won't be able to stop," Ross said through tears. He turned his face into her shoulder and sobs continued to pour from him. Rachel only held him closer and tighter.

"Shh, honey, it's okay. I'm here. Just let it out." Rachel kissed the top of his head and rocked him in her arms.

When there were no tears left, Ross turned his head so his cheek rested on her shoulder. The material of her shirt was wet against his skin from his own tears. Rachel kissed his hair again.

"Feel better?" she asked and felt him nod.

"Thank you, Rachel. Thank you so much." Ross whispered, his voice raspy and thick with emotion.

"You're welcome, sweetie," she replied, rubbing his back. "You're always welcome."


	18. Epilogue

Newlyweds Mr. and Mrs. Ross Geller were side by side on the plane ready to take off to Paris, where they would spend their honeymoon. They smiled at one another, as they had been all morning.  
"Are you doing okay?" Rachel asked gently. She had been asking him this all morning. Ross, however, could not be annoyed by anything today.  
"I've never been better," he reassured her for the millionth time. The plane began moving.  
"Honey, I just have one request to make before I regret forgetting," Rachel said to her husband.  
"What's that?" He asked smiling.  
"If I fall asleep, please do not draw on me." 


End file.
